My Local Girl Scout Troop Is Cruising For A Bruising

Here's a question for my local Girl Scout troop: What do I look like?

More to the point -- do I look like a bitch?

I'm talking about the Girl Scouts' Samoas cookie. Which I refer to as Samoans. You know, the vanilla cookie smothered with toasted coconut, caramel and chocolate. Yeah, that one.

Well guess what? A couple months ago I put in an order for 2 gross of Samoans with my Girl Scout Cookie dealer, just like I do every year. Today, he comes around to my job and drops off my order. But he didn't have 2 gross of Samoans. No. He had 2 gross of something called -- I shit you not -- "Caramel deLites" (sic).

Turns out that Girl Scout Headquarters offers my favorite cookie in two varieties: the original Samoas, and the knock-off "Caramel deLites." And for whatever reason, the local troop decided to go with option 'B' this year.

Think it's just a difference in names? Think again (from Wikipedia; emphasis added):

Samoas or Caramel deLites: These consist of a circular vanilla cookie about 2 inch in diameter with a small hole in the center, covered in caramel and toasted coconut and then striped with chocolate. This is one of the only cookies in the group that has differences depending on the bakery. The reason there are two names is because while similar, the cookies have some differences. Samoas are made by Little Brownie Bakers. They are circular, with an orange colour and are thicker from top to bottom; usually they also contain more caramel per coconut. The Caramel deLites, made by ABC Bakers, are actually hexagonal, with a more yellowish tinge, and a more of the biscuit comes through in the flavour because of the lower caramel content. Overall they are both very popular, and most people never notice the differences. Both varieties come in purple boxes.

Uh-huh. "Most people never notice the differences." I call bullshit on that, bullshit on ABC Bakers, and bullshit on the Girl Scouts. They can all go to hell.