This Is A Dark Day For American Business

"Kenny Boy!" I said. I was on the phone with my longtime friend and mentor, Ken Lay, just hours after he and Jeff Skilling were convicted of a laundry list of trumped up charges related to the so-called Enron scandal. "It's me, Oz. I just heard the news. This is terrible!"

"Tell me about it," he said. "Those cocksuckers on the jury wouldn't know justice if it snuck up and bit 'em on the ass. I mean, conspiracy? What the hell is that all about?"

"It's preposterous," I assured him. "The whole thing is preposterous. I'm sure you'll be exonerated on appeal."

"I hope so, old friend," he said. "I mean, what I did, I did out of necessity. Not fraud. Necessity's the mother of invention, okay? And I needed money, so I invented a way to get it. Hell, everyone needs money, right?"

"Damn straight. And plenty of it, if they know what's good for them."

"See? Just like everyone else, Jeff and I needed money. Lots and lots of money."

"Nothing more American than that."

"Exactly. But unlike most of the mouth-breathers out there, we were smart enough to figure out how to make bazillions of it, without even breaking a sweat."

"And you did it in style."

"Bingo. So where's the goddamn crime, huh? Tell me where the crime is. Where is it? Where?!"

"The only crime I see is a good man like you having to spend his golden years in a jail cell."

"Jail cell? Oh god!" he cried, bursting into tears. "What am I going to do, Oz? What am I going to do?!"

"Well, for starters you can stop crying. You know it nauseates me to hear a man cry."

"Y-you're right," he said, sniffling. "I'll st-stop."

"Good. Look, I've gotta run. Let me know if you need anything, 'k?"

"Will do, buddy. Can I count on you for visits?"

"What, and risk getting shanked by one of your fellow prisoners? No thanks. I will drop in on Linda from time to time, though. Ta ta."

I hung up and shivered, thoroughly disgusted by Ken's sob scene. Still, it's a real tragedy to think of him sitting behind bars for the next 20-30 years. Wait, holy shit! This must be how the native South Africans felt when Nelson Mandela got locked up! No wonder they were so happy when he finally got paroled. Well, hopefully I'll get to experience the same jubilation with Kenny Boy one day.