I've Hired A Houseboy

Goddamn, this is going to make my life so much easier. Maids, cooks and gardeners are all well and good, but to really live large one needs a houseboy. Sure, you could go the butler route. But they're so damn stuffy, and inevitably think they're better than you. Houseboys, on the other hand, know their place.

Anyhow, the kid's name is Kang. He'll be answering the phone, greeting visitors, making cocktails, etc., all at a very reasonable rate. The only drawback is he doesn't speak a lick of English, being a native Mongolian or some such shit. No matter; as long as he knows how to fetch slippers and mix a decent martini, we'll get along famously.