Hands Off My Mexicans

I tell you. As a lifelong Republican and former Nixon Youth, I never imagined I'd find myself cursing out a G.O.P. President. Yet I do it every single time George "Shit-Eyes" Bush addresses the nation. Tonight was no exception.

"In Washington, the debate over immigration reform has reached a time of decision," his speechwriters tell us. Bush's decision? Wasting even more tax dollars by using the National Guard as border patrol. The same National Guard that signed up for "just one weekend a month," only to wind up serving as target practice for crazed Islamic jihadists in Afghanistan and Iraq for the past 3 or 4 years. On behalf of National Guardsmen everywhere, I call bullshit on that.

More importantly, if we don't let in any new Mexicans, where am I going to get more gardeners, maids and cooks to the replace the ones who quit over alleged mental and physical abuse? I don't abuse them, of course. They just say I do, then quit and try to sue me. Whatever.

Bottom line, I'm constantly in need of fresh Mexicans and don't need Bush cutting off my supply. That, and life would be much easier if social workers didn't believe every crazy abuse story they hear from some dirty immigrant.