That's Admiral Oz To You

Yeah, so I bought a yacht. She's a Princess 25M, which I've dubbed the Donkey Punch. Nothing too fancy, just enough to separate me from the ever-growing number of people who can afford cabin cruisers. You know, keeping ahead of the Joneses and all that.

The only drawback is having to add a full-time captain and mate to my personal payroll. But that's a small price to pay to be secure in the knowledge I can take my yacht out at a moment's notice with trusted hands at the wheel. Besides, I'm fairly certain that employing a captain legally makes me a commodore, if not an admiral.

I'll learn soon enough; tomorrow I'm taking a couple of business associates and some whores out on the Donkey Punch's maiden voyage. But first, I'm off to the mall to buy suitable yachting attire -- I'm thinking something L. Ron Hubbard-ish. And maybe get a thong wax. We'll see.